The Year of YES

A wonderful friend of mine, K (to protect her privacy) unexpectedly gave me a gift for Christmas. I was shocked. I felt like a heel because I didn't get her anything. But being such a loving person, she knew exactly what I needed to know...

Year of Yes

That's right, she gave me Shondra Rhimes book. I thanked her and took it home. Since I'm always working on my own novels, I'm don't have much opportunity to read like I once did. Most times, I read a few chapters and then the book is left unfinished, languishing on my nightstand.

This book is different from what I anticipated.

I thought it would be more like an Oprah book, be your best self... this it the year were your dreams will come true, the universe is opened to you, just ask.

Nope, not about that.

It's about saying yes to situations and opportunities outside your comfort zone. Interacting with and being apart of your world.

Like leaving your apartment other than to go to work or to go to Mass on occasion. Talking to folks. Going to events.

Say what?

Ms Shondra is talking crazy. I'm a writer. I say at home, drink beverages, write and edit my books. I pay bills. I go to work and I come home. It's the weekend. I ain't going anywhere, unless I need to pay my rent or guilt myself into going to Mass. Hey, they're starting to know me at church. They may ask me to participate in a group. I need to cut  back on my attendence.

This book is crazy talk. I'm not reading anymore of it.

Yet, I'm compelled to read this book. Every night, worn out and over taxed from interacting with people at work, I just want to sleep and forget the world and its demands.

But I'll read a few pages. My friend thought about me and gave me the book. The least I can do is read it. Damn. It's a passive invitation to engage myself and others. I've been tricked. At last, This book is a mirror, showing me my introverted, loner underbelly. For much like Shondra, I say no to just about everything. I'm reading about me; it's showing me what I overlook when I face myself in the mirror every morning. It's making me face myself and my actions.

Like when my friend Vickie invited me to Thanksgiving dinner. I said no. Sure I had great excuses...

It's the holiday. I can't drive because my tags are out. True.

My tires are bald I won't have the money to get the two of them replace (driving on the white meat) until next pay check. True.

I'm have cramps and can't be away from the bathroom for more than five minutes. TRUE TRUE TRUE.

I don't have money for gas. Yeah, that's true too.

But the real truth...

I don't want to leave my house. I don't want to share my time. I don't want to interact. I want to be alone.

And there it is. How insulting to one of my great friends. I want to be alone. I cringed when she asked me. I had already planned my holiday, alone. I'm going to drink plenty of champagne and finish writing my book. Although desperately lonely, I CHOSE to be alone. I understand loneliness. It's my friend. I don't have to try. I'm in my comfort zone, being alone with me.

It's better to dream of the ideal me than to make it a reality. The reality may fall short of the dream.

That's why I write, to bring my dreams to life. Living the dream? Well that's no good. It falls short, every time.

So, I insulted my friend and stayed at home, alone and hungry, eating leftover Indian food. It was good. I didn't have to drive. I didn't challenge myself with the outside world.

Easy-peasy.

Yet, Shondra has challenged reclusive writers (and others) everywhere. This is the year of YES. This is the year we say yes to everything, in particular, those things that make us anxious. The things that cause your fingers to turn black and caked with eczema.

Like Christmas. I went home for Christmas. Five days of alone time with my parents. No out. Just in the house with the loving people who gave birth to me.

I thought I would lose my mind.

Why are they talking to me? Why do they want to talk at 6am? Why are you asking me if I'm hungry? No I don't want to cook. We have champagne and beer, won't that do?

I couldn't sleep. I didn't have my TV and fan to lull me asleep.

However, the hermit was intrigue. Social interaction. It was fascinating. Persistence. My parents never give up. The make a way out of no way. Unconditional love. They just loved me.

I'm not accustomed to receiving love anymore. The shields were coming down. I needed to get out. A snow/sleet storm threatened to trap me, but I got out. After one of the worst travel days ever (I once travel for work, I never encountered challenges such as this) I was home.

I was painfully lonely. I missed my parents, their hell hound, the cat. I missed family. I missed love.

So, I pulled out the book I'd been re-writing for six months. I finished it. I figured out how to convert it into an EPUB file and published it not only on Amazon, but Barnes & Noble and Kobo.

I've started saying YES.

This year, I say YES to love and relationships. No matter what the relationship may be or the circumstances surrounding it... Yes honey, I say YES to you.

Oh, and I say YES to updating my technology. I'm getting a new computer and tablet. I still say no to a smart phone. I guess I must take baby steps in the universe of YES.